December 02, 2014
Isn’t it funny how sometimes our biggest blessings are also our biggest challenges. That could be said for motherhood in general, I suppose. :) I prayed for these babies – in fact, many of you did too, for years. Carrying them inside my belly has been the biggest physical challenge I’ve ever encountered. I don’t know if its because I’m only 5’5″ and started this adventure 35 pounds lighter than I am now or if its because I had OHSS in the beginning or if its because there are TWO HUMANS in my belly, but it is so HARD.
I just wanted to post a little encouragement to anyone feeling challenged during a time of joy. This road hasn’t been easy. I know its worth it. But God is pushing me in a big way. He’s pushing me to let go of finding my identity in numbers on a scale or the way my skinny jeans fit. He’s pushing me to learn to love my body and what its MADE to do – especially as I will be a mama to a little girl soon. He’s pushing me to think beyond myself again – beyond my own sleep needs, beyond my own comforts and beyond my own wants. He’s pushing me to be grateful in the messiness that life is right now. He’s pushing me to share this part of my story even though its embarrassing to say how badly I want my old body back. He’s pushing me to embrace the changes coming for our family and help my soon-to-be oldest child learn how to ebb and flow with life’s curveballs.
Brady’s best friend will be moving away, he’ll be gaining two younger siblings and he’ll be moving into a new house – all in a six month span. That’s a lot for a little guy. But God hasn’t lost the “big changes” on me. He’s simply preparing my heart to be sympathetic to Brady’s. I’m grateful that He’s given me this insight and allowed me to understand why this pregnancy has been difficult. Though Brady’s pregnancy was much different, He worked a great deal in my heart to prepare me to become a Mama then too.
I can’t believe we have eight weeks left. I’m sitting in the recliner I’ve lived in for the past few months in my living room feeling little hands and feet (Caroline is on top – transverse – and Tyler is on the bottom – transverse) graze and sometimes bump the inside of my belly over and over. Becoming a mama is beautiful and hard and messy and the greatest thing ever. Ever.
Pics above by Gina Zeidler