Dear Bman,

Here you are. Fast asleep in your eighteen month jammies. You’re such a big boy : ) Tonight I sat in your nursery and rocked you to sleep. You fell asleep after your bottle and I laid your head on my shoulder with your chest to mine. You wrapped your little legs around me and melted into sleep. You get so warm when you sleep – like your daddy : )

I rocked you and for some reason my mind wandered off to that night seven months ago when we anxiously awaited your arrival. To the feeling of the doctors shaking my hips as you were born via c-section. To the sound of that little cry. To the feeling of holding my breath like it was my last and waiting to hear that you were healthy. It makes me ache to remember that feeling – with love and with the sheer fear I had. I replay Dr. Irvin’s words in my head and pray I never ever forget that moment. She turned from behind the curtain to look at your daddy and I and said “He’s perfect. He’s healthy. And he has long legs.” I don’t remember much after that, other than seeing your perfectly purple little face, mouth wide open, skinny long legs kicking like crazy – my heart beat too fast and they gave me some medicine to calm my heart and let me rest. It was a long day. The best day ever.

I’m not sure why my heart has been set on this today… and how hard it was to conceive you. But that giant smile plastered across your face every day… it’s almost like you know : ) Like you were just playing a little joke on everyone. You’re so perfect, Brady. And even if you weren’t… you’d still be perfect. I think today I just feel very blessed. Very undeserving of little you. Very grateful to have grown so strong during those scary ten months. Very grateful for a God that led us. That held our hands and calmed our hearts and minds. 

You’re an angel, B. And I’m so glad you’re mine.

Love,

Mommy