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Episode 04: How to Make Friends as a Grown-Up (BFF Chat with Kristin Winchester)
In our circle of people, friends are some of the most special—after all, they’re the family we choose! But as we get older, making friends (and keeping them) doesn’t feel as easy as it used to be. Kids, careers, life obligations, you name it: sometimes the simple work of keeping everything going doesn’t leave much room for friendships. We’re not casually bumping into people we know at our lockers or at the coffee pot these days. So how do we make friends as a grown-up? And how do we nurture the friendships that already mean so much to us? Emily calls up her real-life BFF Kristin Winchester (affectionately known as KNW!) to chat about how they met and how they’ve stayed close, even though they haven’t seen each other for more than a year. These twin moms share that it can feel uncomfortable to be vulnerable with someone about decades worth of “your stuff,” but the risk to be seen as we are is worth it. (PS: be on the lookout for Kristin to return for more BFF Chats as she and Emily explore the fun stuff that only real friends can!)
A Blessing for Your Week
I hope your soul is warmed by a kindred spirit today and every day. I hope that you feel seen and known, even when you feel small and scared so you know you're not alone. I hope you love someone for who they are and not as you wish they would be, and I hope that you receive that same quiet love in return.
Simplicity Tip of the Week
I want you to think of a friend that you haven't connected with in a while, pick up your phone and just send her a quick text. Just say hi. Let her know that she was on your mind, that you were thinking about her. It might feel super vulnerable, and that's because it is. But I think it will make her feel great, and it will make you feel great. And who knows, it may add some forward momentum to a special friendship and bring someone back into your life that you haven't connected with in a while.
Thought Provoking Quotes
“It's so hard to know the right ways to nurture friendships and things that we can do to take care of those. And I think sometimes it's just hard to be vulnerable and be yourself when we're grownups. We're not little kids anymore.” - Emily Ley
“How do you be vulnerable with people you haven't met and don't know your first 20, 30, 40 years? It's complicated.” - Kristin Winchester
“I think the more confident you become in yourself, it's . . . maybe not easier to make friends, but that process becomes clearer in who is willing to take that on.” - Kristin Winchester
“I think as we become adults, it can be harder to make friends. But maybe the friends we do make are the really good kind because we’re a little more confident in who we are, and we are showing up like, This is me. This is what you get. - Emily Ley
“I actually think this is a great time to make friends, because other people are in the same boat as you. There are so many people feeling lonely with all the things that are happening.” - Kristin Winchester
“Sometimes we have to make friends second-grade style. We have to invite ourselves to things.” - Emily Ley
“It's important to remember that any relationship worth keeping is worth nurturing.” - Emily Ley
“[Friendship] looks different in different seasons, and it looks different from person to person. Some people are really good phone talkers. Some people are really good gift givers.” - Kristin Winchester
“I think you have to be the kind of friend you want to have.” - Emily Ley
“I think we lose out on a lot when it comes to friendships when we think the nurturing has to be a three-course meal with all the things. It can literally be a 30-second Marco Polo about the fact that your washing machine is broken, and you're trying to fix it. It doesn't have to be fancy.” - Kristin Winchester
New Book Alert: Build a Life You Love!
Pre-Order Emily’s new book, Growing Boldly: Dare to Build a Life You Love, out March 23, 2021!
Resources, Links, Mentions from This Episode
- Kristin’s Favorite Skin Care Essential: FOREO facial silicone scrubber (in pink, of course!)
- Emily’s New iPad Case - Cuyana
- Favorite New Drink for Quiet Moments: Rishi Peach Tea with honey and lemon
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