March 05, 2012
How on earth can you be so happy when you are sick. You were diagnosed with RSV this afternoon. You’ll be okay, but you were so pitiful and so smiley today. A smiley, teary, flushed, feverish little B. Your doctor said, “You know, you can tell so much about a little one when they’re sick. He has such a sweet demeanor.”
You sure do, sweet boy. Even when you don’t feel well you are still full of such joy. Joy unspeakable. Those words are such great definition of the light you radiate. They come from this verse: 1 Peter 1:8 “Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see him now, you rejoice with joy unspeakable…”
That’s you, little boy – indescribable, uncontainable. I’ve never felt closer to God than I did when I became your Mama. I feel this awesome responsibility to raise you as His gift to us. I read something really beautiful last night on Pinterest. It brought tears to my eyes and I wanted to write every one of those words on the palms of my hands so that I wouldn’t forget to say them to you.
I fell asleep thinking about what I would like to remember to say to you as you grow up… I want you to know you are loved. I want you to know you are strong. I want you to know you can be anything in the whole wide world you want to be. I want you to know that you will receive more than ever when you love, give and act with your whole heart. I want you to know that God will help you when you feel like you aren’t strong enough. And your Daddy and I will help you when you need us. I hope you always need us : )
Right now, you need me to hold your hand as we walk around the house together. Sometimes you pull it away as if to say, “I can do it Mommy.” And I want to put your little hand in mine so I can make sure you don’t fall down, but I know you need to learn to do it all by yourself.
This is the first of many moments like this, isn’t it, B… where I step back to let you grow. Oh you make me so proud and you’re only one. I can’t imagine how much more love my heart can hold. I hope when you’re making the big life decisions – I hope you remember these words… you can do it all by yourself. Listen to God and follow your heart. As long as you keep Him there, He will guide you down the right path when you come to a fork in the road… when you make the big decisions.
I hope you feel better soon, little B. I’m loving all the snuggles and hugs I’m getting though : ) Two of your little buddies have RSV also, so we’re saying lots of prayers for our friends.
I love you more than words,
PS: Letters to Bman has a new home… right here. I’m working on pulling the older posts over so B can one day find them in one place.